Welcome to the Weather Channel! This just in: A damp sprinkling of the wet stuff, mixed with a wet sprinkling of the damp stuff, could spell trouble for the mile-high city by Thursday. Those of you planning to drive to the Southern corner of Indiana today should use extra caution, but Pendleton, West Virginia, is looking pretty good, if you’re thinking of doing something there.
Checking out the radar screen, the satellite picture, and the meteorological monitor, we can see that a weather alert is in partial effect along the outer edges of the Northeast Corridor, and a muggy mass of drizzle-activity is making its way toward the Mississippi Delta. Temperatures today in the Black Hills of North Dakota will be high in the low 20’s, as well as low in the high 20’s, and you can expect gusty and variable winds, sometimes gusty and variable at times.
This afternoon the bottom is expected to drop out of a gathering cold front just north of the Ohio Valley, and weak disturbances will follow, causing a mix of weaker and stronger disturbances. The reservoir level in the nation’s heartland and mid-section is 74.83 percent. Time now to track the weather everywhere in the whole world.
Temporary relief from a stationary wave of humidity is gathering strength off the coast of Recife. Cloud-to-ground lightning, sparked by ground-to-cloud lightning, may or may not trigger isolated brush fires in parts of the Oslo panhandle. Alternate side-of-the-street parking is in effect throughout most of Rotterdam, and widely scattered waves will hit highs of one foot near the salt marshes of Kiev, though lower and higher to the North and South of there.
The trade winds are kicking up quite a fuss in the Balaeric Islands, and a troublesome cloud deck carrying temperature-like temperatures, tempered by other temperatures, is expected to arrive in Latvia by Tuesday. The visibility ceiling in the Azores is unlimited, although somewhat limited, and Svalband is still on a 30-day weather watch. A travelers advisory update on travel in Auckland is being updated, with further updates expected soon, followed by others, and two rubber-necked tractor trailers were reported overturned in Tashkent.
Worsening atmospheric conditions in Herat continue to worsen even more than originally reported, when worsening atmospheric conditions in Herat had just begun to worsen, and 10 minutes ago the a.m. readings in Jakarta were replaced by the p.m. readings. Our congratulations to Winoma Pinnski, who’s just been elected the Weather Warden of Manitoba, and that takes us to the top of the hour, from where we’ll head to the bottom again.
The Antilles Basin has been up to its old tricks, and an explosive mix of prevailing Westerlies and equally prevailing Easterlies is brewing in Minsk. The barometric pressure and dewpoint have both been rising and falling steadily in Corsica, and a drenching downpour, as well as a driving drenchpour, is expected to hit Guinea by Tuesday.
Taking a look at the lower reaches of the northern troposphere, we’re calling for a brassy, mackerel sky, pockmarked by surly cirrocumulus thunderhead clouds that appeared earlier to be heading toward Quandong, but aren’t. As for Odessa, its troubled prospects can be measured in isobars. Just ahead, lots of weather ahead, but first some more weather.
Early morning fog and low-lying fog over New Caledonia will give way this afternoon to hazy fog and intermittent fog cover streaked with patches of fog, while the average wind-chill factor in the world will be 19. Our five-day precipitation outlook for Sarawak calls for five days of precipitation throughout Sarawak followed by another five-day precipitation outlook for Sarawak.
Tonight the left branch of a hyperactive jet stream, carrying unstable air pockets and jittery mistballs, is expected to go the distance with a warm front from the Virgin Islands, leaving a damp deposit, while a renegade typhoon from the Eastern Pacific is reported to be hovering over Brest, sucking up tropical juices.
Now let’s take a look at what’s happening in your neck of the woods. But first, a Shadow-Weather, Chopper Four Skycam, Acu-Extended Recap of last week’s national, global, and intergalactic weather. Don’t touch that dial!
Robert Strozier’s fiction and non-fiction have appeared in numerous publications including Atlantic, Esquire, The New Times Magazine, and The NYT Book Review. Until now, his weather reporting has been less well known. He’s had plays produced in NYC, and a musical he wrote (book and lyrics) has had five concert readings (theressomethingineedtotellyou.com). He also helped launch five national magazines, then served as Editor-in-Chief of two and a senior editor at the others.
5 Replies to “Here Now the Weather”
Terrific Bob! I think it needs to be performed, by you, as a monologue. I love how it builds gradually in absurdity, and the luscious metaphors (“jittery mistballls” etc.)
Thanks. I often perform it as a monologue when alone–that’s why I went back to therapy.
Should I wear a raincoat, bikini, ear muffs, sunglasses with windscreen wipers…….?
To be on the safe side, all of the above combined with of none of the above.
Hi Bob! Such lush absurdities and imagination. So hilarious in its play of words. Wonderful!